Since I will soon be caring for orphans I have been studying the role of being a mother. I compiled some commentaries on the scripture below, hope it's a blessing to you mom's!
“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” -Ephesians 6:4
Matthew Henry:
1. “Do not provoke your children to wrath. Though God has given you power, you must not abuse that power, remembering that your children are, in a particular manner, pieces of yourselves, and therefore ought to be governed with great tenderness and love. Be not impatient with them, use no unreasonable severities and lay no rigid injunctions upon them. When you caution them, when you counsel them, when you reprove them, do it in such a manner as not to provoke them to wrath. In all such cases deal prudently and wisely with them, endeavouring to convince their judgments and to work upon their reason.” 2. “Bring them up well, in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, in the discipline of proper and of compassionate correction, and in the knowledge of that duty which God requires of them and by which they may become better acquainted with him. Give them a good education.” It is the great duty of parents to be careful in the education of their children: “Not only bring them up, as the brutes do, taking care to provide for them; but bring them up in nurture and admonition, in such a manner as is suitable to their reasonable natures. Nay, not only bring them up as men, in nurture and admonition, but as Christians, in the admonition of the Lord. Let them have a religious education. Instruct them to fear sinning; and inform them of, and excite them to, the whole of their duty towards God.”
Albert Barnes:
A command addressed particularly to “fathers,” because they are at the head of the family, and its government is especially committed to them. The object of the apostle here is, to show parents that their commands should be such that they can be easily obeyed, or such as are entirely reasonable and proper. If children are required to “obey,” it is but reasonable that the commands of the parent should be such that they can be obeyed, or such that the child shall not be discouraged in his attempt to obey. This statement is in accordance with what he had said Eph_5:22-25 of the relation of husband and wife. It was the duty of the wife to obey - but it was the corresponding duty of the husband to manifest such a character that it would be pleasant to yield obedience - so to love her, that his known wish would be law to her. In like manner it is the duty of children to obey a parent; but it is the duty of a parent to exhibit such a character, and to maintain such a government, that it would be proper for the child to obey; to command nothing that is unreasonable or improper, but to train up his children in the ways of virtue and pure religion.
Provoke not your children to wrath- That is, by unreasonable commands; by needless severity; by the manifestation of anger. So govern them, and so punish them - if punishment is necessary - that they shall not lose their confidence in you, but shall love you. The apostle here has hit on the very danger to which parents are most exposed in the government of their children. It is that of souring their temper; of making them feel that the parent is under the influence of anger, and that it is right for them to be so too. This is done:
(1) when the commands of a parent are unreasonable and severe. The spirit of a child then becomes irritated, and he is “discouraged;” Col_3:21.
(2) when a parent is evidently “excited” when he punishes a child. The child then feels:
(a) that if his “father” is angry, it is not wrong for him to be angry; and,
(b) the very fact of anger in a parent kindles anger in his bosom - just as it does when two men are contending.
If he submits in the case, it is only because the parent is the “strongest,” not because he is “right,” and the child cherishes “anger,” while he yields to power. There is no principle of parental government more important than that a father should command his own temper when he inflicts punishment. He should punish a child not because he is “angry,” but because it is “right;” not because it has become a matter of “personal contest,” but because God requires that he should do it, and the welfare of the child demands it. The moment when a child seem that a parent punishes him under the influence of anger, that moment the child will be likely to be angry too - and his anger will be as proper as that of the parent. And yet, how often is punishment inflicted in this manner! And how often does the child feel that the parent punished him simply because he was the “strongest,” not because it was “right;” and how often is the mind of a child left with a strong conviction that wrong has been done him by the punishment which he has received, rather than with repentance for the wrong that he has himself done.
But bring them up- Place them under such discipline and instruction that they shall become acquainted with the Lord.
In the nurture- ἐν παιδεία en paideia. The word used here means “training of a child;” hence education, instruction, discipline. Here it means that they are to train up their children in such a manner as the Lord approves; that is, they are to educate them for virtue and religion.
And admonition- The word used here - νουθεσία nouthesia means literally, “a putting in mind,” then warning, admonition, instruction. The sense here is, that they were to put them in mind of the Lord - of his existence, perfections, law, and claims on their hearts and lives. This command is positive, and is in accordance with all the requirements of the Bible on the subject. No one can doubt that the Bible enjoins on parents the duty of endeavoring to train up their children in the ways of religion, and of making it the grand purpose of this life to prepare them for heaven. It has been often objected that children should be left on religious subjects to form their own opinions when they are able to judge for themselves. Infidels and irreligious people always oppose or neglect the duty here enjoined; and the plea commonly is, that to teach religion to children is to make them prejudiced; to destroy their independence of mind; and to prevent their judging as impartially on so important a subject as they ought to. In reply to this, and in defense of the requirements of the Bible on the subject, we may remark:
(1) That to suffer a child to grow up without any instruction in religion, is about the same as to suffer a garden to lie without any culture. Such a garden would soon be overrun with weeds, and briars, and thorns - but not sooner, or more certainly, than the mind of a child would.
(2) people do instruct their children in a great many things, and why should they not in religion? They teach them how to behave in company; the art of farming; the way to make or use tools; how to make money; how to avoid the arts of the cunning seducer. But why should it not be said that all this tends to destroy their independence, and to make them prejudiced? Why not leave their minds open and free, and suffer them to form their own judgments about farming and the mechanic arts when their minds are matured?
(3) people do inculcate their own sentiments in religion. An infidel is not usually “very” anxious to conceal his views from his children. People teach by example; by incidental remarks; by the “neglect” of that which they regard as of no value. A man who does not pray, is teaching his children not to pray; he who neglects the public worship of God, is teaching his children to neglect it; he who does not read the Bible, is teaching his children not to read it. Such is the constitution of things, that it is impossible for a parent not to inculcate his own religious views on his children. Since this is so, all that the Bible requires is, that his instructions should be right.
(4) to inculcate the truths of religion is not to make the mind narrow, prejudiced, and indisposed to perceive the truth. Religion makes the mind candid, conscientious, open to conviction, ready to follow the truth. Superstition, bigotry, infidelity, and “all” error and falsehood, make the mind narrow and prejudiced.
(5) if a man does not teach his children truth, others will teach them “error.” The young sceptic that the child meets in the street; the artful infidel; the hater of God; the unprincipled stranger; “will” teach the child. But is it not better for a parent to teach his child the “truth” than for a stranger to teach him error?
(6) Religion is the most important of all subjects, and “therefore” it is of most importance that children on that subject should he taught truth. Of whom can God so properly require this as of a parent? If it be asked “in what way” a parent is to bring up his children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, I answer:
1. By directly inculcating the doctrines and duties of religion - just as he does anything else that he regards as of value.
2. By placing them in the Sunday school, where he may have a guarantee that they will be taught the truth.
3. By “conducting” them - not merely “sending” them - to the sanctuary, that they may be taught in the house of God.
4. By example - all teaching being valueless without that.
5. By prayer for the divine aid in his efforts, and for the salvation of their souls. These duties are plain, simple, easy to be performed, and are such as a man “knows” he ought to perform. If neglected, and the soul of the child be lost, a parent has a most fearful account to render to God.
Hodge:
“The duty of parents, who are here represented by the father, is stated in a negative and positive form. And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath. This is what they are not to do. They are not to excite the bad passions of their children by severity, injustice, partiality, or unreasonable exercise of authority. A parent had better sow tares in a field from which he expects to derive food for himself and family, than by his own ill conduct nurture evil in the heart of his child. The positive part of parental duty is expressed in the comprehensive direction, ἀλλ ̓ ἐκτρέφετε αὐτὰ ἐν παιδείᾳ καὶ νουθεσίᾳ κυρίου, i.e. educate them, bring them up, developing all their powers by (ἐν instrumental) the instruction and admonition of the Lord. Παιδείᾳ is a comprehensive word; it means the training or education of a child, including the whole process of instruction and discipline. Νουθεσία, from νουθετέω (νοῦς and τίθημι) to put in mind, is included under the more general term, and is correctly rendered admonition. It is the act of reminding one of his faults or duties. Children are not to be allowed to grow up without care or control. They are to be instructed, disciplined, and admonished, so that they be brought to knowledge, self-control, and obedience. This whole process of education is to be religious, and not only religious, but Christian. It is the nurture and admonition of the Lord, which is the appointed and the only effectual means of attaining the end of education. Where this means is neglected or any other substituted in its place, the result must be disastrous failure. The moral and religious element of our nature is just as essential and as universal as the intellectual. Religion therefore is as necessary to the development of the mind as knowledge. And as Christianity is the only true religion, and God in Christ the one true God, the only possible means of profitable education is the nurture and admonition of the Lord. That is, the whole process of instruction and discipline must be that which he prescribes, and which he administers, so that his authority should be brought into constant and immediate contact with the mind, heart and conscience of the child. It will not do for the parent to present himself as the ultimate end, the source of knowledge and possessor of authority to determine truth and duty. This would be to give his child a mere human development. Nor will it do for him to urge and communicate everything on the abstract ground of reason; for that would be to merge his child in nature. It is only by making God, God in Christ, the teacher and ruler, on whose authority everything is to be believed and in obedience to whose will everything is to be done, that the ends of education can possibly be attained. It is infinite folly in men to assume to be wiser than God, or to attempt to accomplish an end by other means than those which he has appointed.”
JFB:
fathers — including mothers; the fathers are specified as being the fountains of domestic authority. Fathers are more prone to passion in relation to their children than mothers, whose fault is rather over-indulgence.
provoke not — irritate not, by vexatious commands, unreasonable blame, and uncertain temper [Alford]. Col_3:21, “lest they be discouraged.”
nurture — Greek, “discipline,” namely, training by chastening in act where needed (Job_5:17; Heb_12:7).
admonition — training by words (Deu_6:7; “catechise,” Pro_22:6, Margin), whether of encouragement, or remonstrance, or reproof, according as is required [Trench]. Contrast 1Sa_3:13, Margin.
of the Lord — such as the Lord approves, and by His Spirit dictates.
Poole:
Provoke not your children to wrath; viz. by unreasonable severity, moroseness, unrighteous commands.
But bring them up in the nurture; or correction, as the word signifies, Heb_12:6-8.
And admonition; this denotes the end of the former; instruction in their duty must be, as well as correction to drive them to it.
Of the Lord; the Lord Jesus Christ; and so it is either that admonition which is commanded by him, or whereby they are brought to be acquainted with him.
PNT:
And ye fathers. Parents have duties as well as children. Two are named.
Provoke not, etc. Passionate and unreasonable rebukes, intemperate language, or cruel usage, would provoke resentment on the part of children.
In the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The Revision reads: "Nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord." Training and restraining as well as admonition are implied. The Lord holds all parties responsible for a Christian training of their children.
ETW:
Eph_6:4 "Provoke not your children to wraft." This is an exhortation to parents, and especially fathers, not to treat their children unjustly, severely or any way that will make them rebel and not submit to authority. The father is addressed here because he represents the governmental head of the family and is responsible for the discipline of the children. The NIV translates this verse, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children…" J.B. Phillips says, "…don't overcorrect your children or make it difficult for them to obey the commandment." "Nuture" is the whole training and education of our children and the cultivation of mind and morals. It also includes the discipline of our children. Some commentaries in fact say that nurture means discipline. We find that indeed the scripture teaches the application of punishment for disobedience. In fact the word of God warns parents of the consequences if they do not physically discipline their children. Look at several verses that clearly teach corporal punishment.
Pro_13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. Pro_19:18 Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Pro_22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Pro_23:13-14 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
Pro_29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
Pro_29:17 Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.
Next we come to a positive way of raising a child. We are told to bring them up in the "Admonition" of the Lord. This means training with words of encouragement, and word of reproof when necessary. However, we must also notice that the discipline and the training of our children is done as we are obedient to the Lord.
Gaebelin:
Children are to obey their parents in the Lord. And the fathers are not to provoke the children to wrath, "but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." And how much wisdom this takes! Parents must show constantly to the children the love and patience of Christ and bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Then the promise will be made good. "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house" (Act_16:31).
Geneva:
(6) It is the duty of fathers to use their fatherly authority moderately and to God's glory.
(c) Such information and precepts which are taken out of God's book, and are holy and acceptable to him.
Gill:
Eph 6:4 And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath,....Neither by words; by unjust and, unreasonable commands; by contumelious and reproachful language; by frequent and public chidings, and by indiscreet and passionate expressions: nor by deeds; preferring one to another; by denying them the necessaries of life; by not allowing them proper recreation; by severe and cruel blows, and inhuman usage; by not giving them suitable education; by an improper disposal of them in marriage; and by profusely spending their estates, and leaving nothing to them: not but that parents may, and ought to correct and rebuke their children; nor are they accountable to them for their conduct; yet they should take care not to provoke them to wrath, because this alienates their minds from them, and renders their instructions and corrections useless, and puts them upon sinful practices; wrath lets in Satan, and leads to sin against God; and indeed it is difficult in the best of men to be angry and not sin; see Col_3:21. Fathers are particularly mentioned, they being the heads of families, and are apt to be too severe, as mothers too indulgent.
But bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord; instructing them in the knowledge of divine things, setting them good examples, taking care to prevent their falling into bad company, praying with them, and for them, bringing them into the house of God, under the means of grace, to attend public worship; all which, under a divine blessing, may be very useful to them; the example of Abraham is worthy of imitation, Gen_18:19, and the advice of the wise man deserves attention, Pro_22:6.
Guzic:
A. Do not provoke your children to wrath: Parents certainly have the opportunity to provoke their children to wrath, through an unkind, over-critical attitude that torments the child instead of training them. But Christian parents should never be like that.
-"The gospel introduced a fresh element into parental responsibility by insisting that the feelings of the child must be taken into consideration. In a society where the father's authority (patria potestas) was absolute, this represented a revolutionary concept." (Wood)
B. Provoke your children to wrath: This harsh kind of parenting Paul speaks against gives an unnecessary justification to a child's natural rebellion.
-"When you are disciplining a child, you should have first controlled yourself . . . What right have you to say to your child that he needs discipline when you obviously need it yourself?" (D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones)
C. Bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord: This does not mean merely scolding your children in the sense of admonition. It means to train and admonish. Encouragement and rebuke must be combined with training and teaching.
- This is a responsibility for fathers. They must not neglect their responsibility to teach and be a spiritual example for their children. It is not a responsibility that should be left to the mother or the Sunday School.
-Training is the same word translated chastening in Heb_12:5-11. It has the idea of training through corrective discipline. Admonition has more of the idea of "teaching" - both are necessary, though it may be significant that training comes first.
-Significantly, both training and admonition are used to describe the purpose of the Scriptures (1Ti_3:16 and 1Co_10:11). Parents are to raise their children on the word of God.
D. Bring them up: This ancient Greek word was originally used of bodily nourishment as in Eph_5:29. But the word came to be used for the nurture of body, mind and soul. The form here suggests "development by care and pains" or as Calvin translated, "Let them be fondly cherished."
Calvin:
And, ye fathers. Parents, on the other hand, are exhorted not to irritate their children by unreasonable severity. This would excite hatred, and would lead them to throw off the yoke altogether. Accordingly, in writing to the Colossians, he adds, “lest they be discouraged.” (Col_3:21.) Kind and liberal treatment has rather a tendency to cherish reverence for their parents, and to increase the cheerfulness and activity of their obedience, while a harsh and unkind manner rouses them to obstinacy, and destroys the natural affections. But Paul goes on to say, “let them be fondly cherished;” for the Greek word, (ἐκτρέφετε,) which is translated bring up, unquestionably conveys the idea of gentleness and forbearance. To guard them, however, against the opposite and frequent evil of excessive indulgence, he again draws the rein which he had slackened, and adds, in the instruction and reproof of the Lord. It is not the will of God that parents, in the exercise of kindness, shall spare and corrupt their children. Let their conduct towards their children be at once mild and considerate, so as to guide them in the fear of the Lord, and correct them also when they go astray. That age is so apt to become wanton, that it requires frequent admonition and restraint.
Provoke not your children to wrath- That is, by unreasonable commands; by needless severity; by the manifestation of anger. So govern them, and so punish them - if punishment is necessary - that they shall not lose their confidence in you, but shall love you. The apostle here has hit on the very danger to which parents are most exposed in the government of their children. It is that of souring their temper; of making them feel that the parent is under the influence of anger, and that it is right for them to be so too. This is done:
(1) when the commands of a parent are unreasonable and severe. The spirit of a child then becomes irritated, and he is “discouraged;” Col_3:21.
(2) when a parent is evidently “excited” when he punishes a child. The child then feels:
(a) that if his “father” is angry, it is not wrong for him to be angry; and,
(b) the very fact of anger in a parent kindles anger in his bosom - just as it does when two men are contending.
If he submits in the case, it is only because the parent is the “strongest,” not because he is “right,” and the child cherishes “anger,” while he yields to power. There is no principle of parental government more important than that a father should command his own temper when he inflicts punishment. He should punish a child not because he is “angry,” but because it is “right;” not because it has become a matter of “personal contest,” but because God requires that he should do it, and the welfare of the child demands it. The moment when a child seem that a parent punishes him under the influence of anger, that moment the child will be likely to be angry too - and his anger will be as proper as that of the parent. And yet, how often is punishment inflicted in this manner! And how often does the child feel that the parent punished him simply because he was the “strongest,” not because it was “right;” and how often is the mind of a child left with a strong conviction that wrong has been done him by the punishment which he has received, rather than with repentance for the wrong that he has himself done.
But bring them up- Place them under such discipline and instruction that they shall become acquainted with the Lord.
In the nurture- ἐν παιδεία en paideia. The word used here means “training of a child;” hence education, instruction, discipline. Here it means that they are to train up their children in such a manner as the Lord approves; that is, they are to educate them for virtue and religion.
And admonition- The word used here - νουθεσία nouthesia means literally, “a putting in mind,” then warning, admonition, instruction. The sense here is, that they were to put them in mind of the Lord - of his existence, perfections, law, and claims on their hearts and lives. This command is positive, and is in accordance with all the requirements of the Bible on the subject. No one can doubt that the Bible enjoins on parents the duty of endeavoring to train up their children in the ways of religion, and of making it the grand purpose of this life to prepare them for heaven. It has been often objected that children should be left on religious subjects to form their own opinions when they are able to judge for themselves. Infidels and irreligious people always oppose or neglect the duty here enjoined; and the plea commonly is, that to teach religion to children is to make them prejudiced; to destroy their independence of mind; and to prevent their judging as impartially on so important a subject as they ought to. In reply to this, and in defense of the requirements of the Bible on the subject, we may remark:
(1) That to suffer a child to grow up without any instruction in religion, is about the same as to suffer a garden to lie without any culture. Such a garden would soon be overrun with weeds, and briars, and thorns - but not sooner, or more certainly, than the mind of a child would.
(2) people do instruct their children in a great many things, and why should they not in religion? They teach them how to behave in company; the art of farming; the way to make or use tools; how to make money; how to avoid the arts of the cunning seducer. But why should it not be said that all this tends to destroy their independence, and to make them prejudiced? Why not leave their minds open and free, and suffer them to form their own judgments about farming and the mechanic arts when their minds are matured?
(3) people do inculcate their own sentiments in religion. An infidel is not usually “very” anxious to conceal his views from his children. People teach by example; by incidental remarks; by the “neglect” of that which they regard as of no value. A man who does not pray, is teaching his children not to pray; he who neglects the public worship of God, is teaching his children to neglect it; he who does not read the Bible, is teaching his children not to read it. Such is the constitution of things, that it is impossible for a parent not to inculcate his own religious views on his children. Since this is so, all that the Bible requires is, that his instructions should be right.
(4) to inculcate the truths of religion is not to make the mind narrow, prejudiced, and indisposed to perceive the truth. Religion makes the mind candid, conscientious, open to conviction, ready to follow the truth. Superstition, bigotry, infidelity, and “all” error and falsehood, make the mind narrow and prejudiced.
(5) if a man does not teach his children truth, others will teach them “error.” The young sceptic that the child meets in the street; the artful infidel; the hater of God; the unprincipled stranger; “will” teach the child. But is it not better for a parent to teach his child the “truth” than for a stranger to teach him error?
(6) Religion is the most important of all subjects, and “therefore” it is of most importance that children on that subject should he taught truth. Of whom can God so properly require this as of a parent? If it be asked “in what way” a parent is to bring up his children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, I answer:
1. By directly inculcating the doctrines and duties of religion - just as he does anything else that he regards as of value.
2. By placing them in the Sunday school, where he may have a guarantee that they will be taught the truth.
3. By “conducting” them - not merely “sending” them - to the sanctuary, that they may be taught in the house of God.
4. By example - all teaching being valueless without that.
5. By prayer for the divine aid in his efforts, and for the salvation of their souls. These duties are plain, simple, easy to be performed, and are such as a man “knows” he ought to perform. If neglected, and the soul of the child be lost, a parent has a most fearful account to render to God.
Hodge:
“The duty of parents, who are here represented by the father, is stated in a negative and positive form. And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath. This is what they are not to do. They are not to excite the bad passions of their children by severity, injustice, partiality, or unreasonable exercise of authority. A parent had better sow tares in a field from which he expects to derive food for himself and family, than by his own ill conduct nurture evil in the heart of his child. The positive part of parental duty is expressed in the comprehensive direction, ἀλλ ̓ ἐκτρέφετε αὐτὰ ἐν παιδείᾳ καὶ νουθεσίᾳ κυρίου, i.e. educate them, bring them up, developing all their powers by (ἐν instrumental) the instruction and admonition of the Lord. Παιδείᾳ is a comprehensive word; it means the training or education of a child, including the whole process of instruction and discipline. Νουθεσία, from νουθετέω (νοῦς and τίθημι) to put in mind, is included under the more general term, and is correctly rendered admonition. It is the act of reminding one of his faults or duties. Children are not to be allowed to grow up without care or control. They are to be instructed, disciplined, and admonished, so that they be brought to knowledge, self-control, and obedience. This whole process of education is to be religious, and not only religious, but Christian. It is the nurture and admonition of the Lord, which is the appointed and the only effectual means of attaining the end of education. Where this means is neglected or any other substituted in its place, the result must be disastrous failure. The moral and religious element of our nature is just as essential and as universal as the intellectual. Religion therefore is as necessary to the development of the mind as knowledge. And as Christianity is the only true religion, and God in Christ the one true God, the only possible means of profitable education is the nurture and admonition of the Lord. That is, the whole process of instruction and discipline must be that which he prescribes, and which he administers, so that his authority should be brought into constant and immediate contact with the mind, heart and conscience of the child. It will not do for the parent to present himself as the ultimate end, the source of knowledge and possessor of authority to determine truth and duty. This would be to give his child a mere human development. Nor will it do for him to urge and communicate everything on the abstract ground of reason; for that would be to merge his child in nature. It is only by making God, God in Christ, the teacher and ruler, on whose authority everything is to be believed and in obedience to whose will everything is to be done, that the ends of education can possibly be attained. It is infinite folly in men to assume to be wiser than God, or to attempt to accomplish an end by other means than those which he has appointed.”
JFB:
fathers — including mothers; the fathers are specified as being the fountains of domestic authority. Fathers are more prone to passion in relation to their children than mothers, whose fault is rather over-indulgence.
provoke not — irritate not, by vexatious commands, unreasonable blame, and uncertain temper [Alford]. Col_3:21, “lest they be discouraged.”
nurture — Greek, “discipline,” namely, training by chastening in act where needed (Job_5:17; Heb_12:7).
admonition — training by words (Deu_6:7; “catechise,” Pro_22:6, Margin), whether of encouragement, or remonstrance, or reproof, according as is required [Trench]. Contrast 1Sa_3:13, Margin.
of the Lord — such as the Lord approves, and by His Spirit dictates.
Poole:
Provoke not your children to wrath; viz. by unreasonable severity, moroseness, unrighteous commands.
But bring them up in the nurture; or correction, as the word signifies, Heb_12:6-8.
And admonition; this denotes the end of the former; instruction in their duty must be, as well as correction to drive them to it.
Of the Lord; the Lord Jesus Christ; and so it is either that admonition which is commanded by him, or whereby they are brought to be acquainted with him.
PNT:
And ye fathers. Parents have duties as well as children. Two are named.
Provoke not, etc. Passionate and unreasonable rebukes, intemperate language, or cruel usage, would provoke resentment on the part of children.
In the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The Revision reads: "Nurture them in the chastening and admonition of the Lord." Training and restraining as well as admonition are implied. The Lord holds all parties responsible for a Christian training of their children.
ETW:
Eph_6:4 "Provoke not your children to wraft." This is an exhortation to parents, and especially fathers, not to treat their children unjustly, severely or any way that will make them rebel and not submit to authority. The father is addressed here because he represents the governmental head of the family and is responsible for the discipline of the children. The NIV translates this verse, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children…" J.B. Phillips says, "…don't overcorrect your children or make it difficult for them to obey the commandment." "Nuture" is the whole training and education of our children and the cultivation of mind and morals. It also includes the discipline of our children. Some commentaries in fact say that nurture means discipline. We find that indeed the scripture teaches the application of punishment for disobedience. In fact the word of God warns parents of the consequences if they do not physically discipline their children. Look at several verses that clearly teach corporal punishment.
Pro_13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. Pro_19:18 Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Pro_22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Pro_23:13-14 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
Pro_29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
Pro_29:17 Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.
Next we come to a positive way of raising a child. We are told to bring them up in the "Admonition" of the Lord. This means training with words of encouragement, and word of reproof when necessary. However, we must also notice that the discipline and the training of our children is done as we are obedient to the Lord.
Gaebelin:
Children are to obey their parents in the Lord. And the fathers are not to provoke the children to wrath, "but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." And how much wisdom this takes! Parents must show constantly to the children the love and patience of Christ and bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Then the promise will be made good. "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house" (Act_16:31).
Geneva:
(6) It is the duty of fathers to use their fatherly authority moderately and to God's glory.
(c) Such information and precepts which are taken out of God's book, and are holy and acceptable to him.
Gill:
Eph 6:4 And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath,....Neither by words; by unjust and, unreasonable commands; by contumelious and reproachful language; by frequent and public chidings, and by indiscreet and passionate expressions: nor by deeds; preferring one to another; by denying them the necessaries of life; by not allowing them proper recreation; by severe and cruel blows, and inhuman usage; by not giving them suitable education; by an improper disposal of them in marriage; and by profusely spending their estates, and leaving nothing to them: not but that parents may, and ought to correct and rebuke their children; nor are they accountable to them for their conduct; yet they should take care not to provoke them to wrath, because this alienates their minds from them, and renders their instructions and corrections useless, and puts them upon sinful practices; wrath lets in Satan, and leads to sin against God; and indeed it is difficult in the best of men to be angry and not sin; see Col_3:21. Fathers are particularly mentioned, they being the heads of families, and are apt to be too severe, as mothers too indulgent.
But bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord; instructing them in the knowledge of divine things, setting them good examples, taking care to prevent their falling into bad company, praying with them, and for them, bringing them into the house of God, under the means of grace, to attend public worship; all which, under a divine blessing, may be very useful to them; the example of Abraham is worthy of imitation, Gen_18:19, and the advice of the wise man deserves attention, Pro_22:6.
Guzic:
A. Do not provoke your children to wrath: Parents certainly have the opportunity to provoke their children to wrath, through an unkind, over-critical attitude that torments the child instead of training them. But Christian parents should never be like that.
-"The gospel introduced a fresh element into parental responsibility by insisting that the feelings of the child must be taken into consideration. In a society where the father's authority (patria potestas) was absolute, this represented a revolutionary concept." (Wood)
B. Provoke your children to wrath: This harsh kind of parenting Paul speaks against gives an unnecessary justification to a child's natural rebellion.
-"When you are disciplining a child, you should have first controlled yourself . . . What right have you to say to your child that he needs discipline when you obviously need it yourself?" (D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones)
C. Bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord: This does not mean merely scolding your children in the sense of admonition. It means to train and admonish. Encouragement and rebuke must be combined with training and teaching.
- This is a responsibility for fathers. They must not neglect their responsibility to teach and be a spiritual example for their children. It is not a responsibility that should be left to the mother or the Sunday School.
-Training is the same word translated chastening in Heb_12:5-11. It has the idea of training through corrective discipline. Admonition has more of the idea of "teaching" - both are necessary, though it may be significant that training comes first.
-Significantly, both training and admonition are used to describe the purpose of the Scriptures (1Ti_3:16 and 1Co_10:11). Parents are to raise their children on the word of God.
D. Bring them up: This ancient Greek word was originally used of bodily nourishment as in Eph_5:29. But the word came to be used for the nurture of body, mind and soul. The form here suggests "development by care and pains" or as Calvin translated, "Let them be fondly cherished."
Calvin:
And, ye fathers. Parents, on the other hand, are exhorted not to irritate their children by unreasonable severity. This would excite hatred, and would lead them to throw off the yoke altogether. Accordingly, in writing to the Colossians, he adds, “lest they be discouraged.” (Col_3:21.) Kind and liberal treatment has rather a tendency to cherish reverence for their parents, and to increase the cheerfulness and activity of their obedience, while a harsh and unkind manner rouses them to obstinacy, and destroys the natural affections. But Paul goes on to say, “let them be fondly cherished;” for the Greek word, (ἐκτρέφετε,) which is translated bring up, unquestionably conveys the idea of gentleness and forbearance. To guard them, however, against the opposite and frequent evil of excessive indulgence, he again draws the rein which he had slackened, and adds, in the instruction and reproof of the Lord. It is not the will of God that parents, in the exercise of kindness, shall spare and corrupt their children. Let their conduct towards their children be at once mild and considerate, so as to guide them in the fear of the Lord, and correct them also when they go astray. That age is so apt to become wanton, that it requires frequent admonition and restraint.
